(All characters referred to herein are the MV versions, of course, and appear courtesy of their respective owners. Multitudinous thanks to all and sundry, without whom, etc..)

(Fade in. Frenzy, holding a microphone, stands in front of what appears to be a large campus.)

FRENZY: Testing, testing...hey, is this thing on? (He realizes that it is.) Oh! Um...greetings, TV viewers! We've got a special treat for you today, as we take a behind-the-scenes look at the MirrorVerse!

(The camera zooms in on Frenzy till a single optic fills the whole screen, then zooms back till he appears as just a tiny speck, then zooms in again, then zooms back again...)

FRENZY: We've got a really exciting tour planned for you today, and... (sighs) Rumble, quit playin' with the zoom button, willya?

(The picture begins to jerk around violently.)

RUMBLE: (voice from behind camera) Hey, look! Blair Witch Project!

FRENZY: Rumble!!

RUMBLE: (abashed) Sorry.

FRENZY: Anyway, let's take a walk around the grounds! Come on!

(He gestures for us to follow. The camera tracks Frenzy as he strolls over to a well-tended garden that surrounds the courtyard.)

FRENZY: Here we are in the gardens, which as you can see, are well-tended by the MV's conscientious team of grounds managers.

('Leta is speaking angrily into a pay phone mounted on a nearby tree. Kayevcee stands behind her, awaiting his turn.)

'LETA: ...And you tell him that Black Sun or no, if he leaves any more dismembered body parts in my rose bushes I'll have his metal hide!

STARHORSE: (voice from phone) But...!

KAYEVCEE: (nods, calls towards phone) When Predaking found those spleens in the azaleas, he was depressed for a week! He's a very sensitive mech, you know!

STARHORSE: Um... (switches to flat monotone) You have reached the Sean Bean Fan Club. We are not available to take your call...

'LETA: (glares at phone) You're not fooling anyone, you know.

FRENZY: Er, looks like those folks are too busy for an interview right now. So let's head off to the lobby!

(The twins enter the lobby of the main building. Kingudora, Galvatron, and Scourge sit off to one side at a small table, playing pinochle. Cyclonus sulks around looking bored.)

FRENZY: (holding out microphone) Greetings! We're doing a behind-the-scenes special on the MirrorVerse!

CYCLONUS: Yo, yo, yo. Whassup y'all?

(Subtitle: GOOD AFTERNOON.)

FRENZY: So! (looks around) Why are you folks waiting around the lobby?

CYCLONUS: I say D@MN, kid. 'S 'cause Kingy ain't got no chance to write no fics 'bout us three, seein' as that flyin'-kitty chick ain't started no Em-Vee-Tee-Em yet, yo.

(Subtitle: UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE UNABLE TO APPEAR IN ANY WORKS OF FICTION AT THE PRESENT TIME, AS MIRRORVERSE: THE MOVIE, IN WHICH OUR ORIGINS WILL BE ESTABLISHED, HAS NOT YET BEEN BEGUN BY A CERTAIN FELINE PERSON.)

FRENZY: Oh. Well, that shouldn't take all that long, should it?

CYCLONUS: (snorts with laughter) Ain't nobody round here holdin' no breath, nomesayin'?.

(Subtitle: I WOULD LIKE THE STEAK, PLEASE.)

FRENZY: Um. Well, thank you very much, sir.

(Cyclonus waves a cheerful farewell as the twins head off.)

RUMBLE: This hasn't exactly been hard-hitting expose material so far.

FRENZY: Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Let's try the library!

RUMBLE: (sarcastic) My fuel pumps can't stand the excitement!

(They trudge up a series of wide marble steps and enter a vast, austere-looking library. Inside are numerous MV characters and authors, diligently studying, taking notes, checking out books, etc. A large banner hangs over the main entrance: "THIS IS NOT FF.NET")

FRENZY: Here we are in the lib-

MINDWIPE: (seated cross-legged atop a couch, surrounded by psychology texts) Shhh!! (smiles, puts finger to his lips)

FRENZY: (In a whisper) Here we are in the library. Pretty impressive, huh? Let's take a look around!

(They head towards a small adjoining room. Inside is a long table heaped with dictionaries, thesauri, writer's guides, etc. Around it are gathered several writers and characters.)

FRENZY: (still speaking quietly) Hi! We're doing a behind-the-scenes special on the MirrorVerse! Could you tell us something about this place?

PRINCESS ARTEMIS: This is one of the MV library's study rooms. Here, authors can revise their fics over and over again, obsessively double-check their spelling and grammar, spend hours debating the use of a particular word...

FRENZY: Wow, that's quite a concept for fanfic writing! Think it'll ever catch on?

SIR RAPTOR: (resignedly) Probably not.

(Suddenly, at the other end of the table, Astrotrain stands with book in hand and begins to declaim dramatically.)

ASTROTRAIN: Imagine not that these four walls

Contain the mighty Owl of Thebes;

For, gentles all,

Beauty sits most closely

To them it can construe.

CATILLA: (annoyed) No, it doesn't!

ASTROTRAIN: Oh, sorry. (Sits back down.)

FRENZY: (speaking to camera) Well, looks like our n-

ALL: Shhhh!!

FRENZY: (whispering again) Our next stop's the infirmary! Let's go check it out!

(They head off, tiptoeing till they reach the outside. Frenzy glances back at Rumble, diligently following with camera in hand.)

FRENZY: What was that last bit all about, anyway?

RUMBLE: Oh, just another obscure Monty Python reference.

FRENZY: (nods sagely) Ah.

(Bluestreak and Dart walk past the pair, deep in conversation.)

BLUESTREAK: We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes...

DART: (rolls optics) There go again. Always bring class into it.

(Rumble and Frenzy arrive at the grounds of a large, busy-looking hospital. A signpost indicates directions to numerous buildings: "Perceptor Victims," "Warpath Victims," "Optimus Prime Victims (Buildings 1 - 5)", "Autobot Deserters Counseling Department", etc.)

RUMBLE: Sheesh. Touring this place'll take all week!

FRENZY: Maybe we'll just stop by the lobby, then. (They enter.) So! Here we are in the main entrance of the MirrorVerse Infirmary for the Physically and/or Emotionally Damaged, and...hey!!

BRAWN: (shoving past the twins) Move it, punks.

(Brawn stomps off, looking surly. Scottwave sighs and signs Brawn's name to the "Discharged" list.)

STARSCREAM: (calling after him) You're welcome!

STELARTRON: (sighs) You'd think as often as he's in here he'd be more appreciative... (looks down and smiles) Oh, hello.

FRENZY: Hi! (stands on tiptoe, holding up microphone up towards the gestalt) We're doing a behind-the-scenes special on the MirrorVerse! Mind telling us what you do here?

STARSCREAM: (deadpan) Why, this is where I plot my evil schemes to overthrow Megatron, take over the Decepticons, and conquer the universe.

(They all share a hearty laugh.)

FRENZY: No, seriously.

STELARTRON: This is where we medics tend to the casualties of the MirrorVerse. Whether mechanoid or organic, all are welcome here.

(The camera pans over to Triggerhappy, who's lying on a gurney, whimpering as he's wheeled in. He appears to have a very large dent in his skull.)

FRENZY: Another run-in with V-Cat?

STARSCREAM: (nodding) Fifth time this week. We're thinking of naming an entire hospital wing after him.

(On another gurney, a hapless individual is lying back, moaning blissfully.)

FRENZY: What happened to him?

STARSCREAM: Well, see, he's a Transfan who never read anything but crappy TF fics before. And he tried to read all of Lex's fic in a single go.

FRENZY: What? ALL of it??

HAPLESS INDIVIDUAL: The colors, man! The COLORS!

STELARTRON: Oh, don't worry. We'll just feed him a bunch of really bad script-fics, and that'll balance him right out.

HAPLESS INDIVIDUAL: (weeping as he's gently led away) I can see it all, man! It's so beautiful, man!!

(Scottwave is about to leave the lobby when a blood-curdling scream sounds from outside. Scottwave sighs and signs Brawn's name back on the "Admittances" list.)

(Next, after a clever visual transition which you may imagine at your leisure, we find our intrepid adventurers entering a large, impressive-looking building.)

FRENZY: Here we are now in the MirrorVerse admissions office! Gosh, what a busy place!

(The camera slowly pans around the room. We see a long, snaking line composed of approximately nine billion individuals, all waiting their turn at a single desk. Behind the desk sit Selah and Deceptipup.)

FRENZY: Wow! The Boss Pup and the Jaguar Goddess themselves! Let's go see what the MV Head Honchos are up to...

(The camera zooms in. Selah is busily tappity-tapping on the computer while D-Pup interviews a potential new author.)

D-PUP: *wags* Hello, and welcome to the MirrorVerse! We're...

APPLICANT: lol th mirrovrse is teh kewlest evar lol

D-PUP: Um, thank you.

APPLICANT: lol i wuold liek too rite my furst storey now lol

D-PUP: (patiently) Well, we do recommend that new authors spend more than three-tenths of a second here before proposing their first fic, but...

APPLICANT: lol it will be the originn storey of my amaezing fanfic charater lol

D-PUP: (still with near-saintly patience) Well, the thing is...Selah, how many first-time-writer fanfic-character-origin stories have we got in the docket already?

SELAH: (tappity-taps on computer, looks up) 983,293,554,392,624,183. (double-checks) No, sorry, 983,293,554,392,624,185. (triple-checks) No, wait, 983,293,554,392,624,189...

D-PUP: So you see, if you'd like to come up with something else, we'd be more than happy to...

APPLICANT: lol mi charactur is called Lady MaimKillDeathDestroy and is the mosst powurful transfromer evur and she falls in luv with Sun Streaker who falls in luv wit her to and he decieds to stop beinng evill and

(Sunstreaker himself bursts onto the scene, optics blazing and black cloak rippling in a thoroughly scary fashion)

SUNSTREAKER: ...WHAT?!?

(The Black Sun, shrieking with unholy rage, drags the applicant outside and behind a hedge. Blood begins to spurt forth in a vigorous fashion.)

APPLICANT: lol aiiieeeeeee lol

'LETA: (runs up, brandishing shears) Not in the bushes! NOT IN THE BUSHES!!

D-PUP: (world-weary sigh) Er...next?

FRENZY: ...Maybe we should get going.

RUMBLE: Um, yeah.

(They head out. As they stroll back past the long, long line of waiting applicants, they pass by Cliffjumper and Bumblebee, seated alongside the line, looking smirky.)

FRENZY: (suspicious) What are YOU doing here?

CLIFFJUMPER: We're scarin' the newbies.

BUMBLEBEE: (giggling) Heheh. Yeah. Scarin' the newbies. Heh.

FRENZY: How?

CLIFFJUMPER: Like this!

(Suddenly, he whips out a large sign reading "MV FAQ." Instantly, everyone cringes and recoils.)

APPLICANTS: Aggh! Get it away! It burns us!!

CLIFFJUMPER: (lowering sign) Heh. Heh heh heh.

BUMBLEBEE: Yeah. Heh. Heh heh.

FRENZY: (glares) You're mean.

(Cliffjumper whips out the sign again.)

APPLICANTS: Aaaaaggghhh!! (cringe, recoil, cover eyes)

(A lone applicant looks around at them, confused.)

LONE APPLICANT: I don't know what all the fuss is about. I read the FAQ.

(Pause.)

AN APPLICANT: Stone him!

OTHER APPLICANTS: Yes! Stone him!!

LONE APPLICANT: Ow! Hey!! Ow! OW!!

FRENZY: Er. Moving right along. Let's check out the outlying areas off the MV, shall we?

(The twins walk off, and the scenery around them gradually changes to an ominous cityscape. Suddenly, Team Omega bursts onto the scene.)

JAZZ: Freeze, punks!

RUMBLE and FRENZY: Eeeek!!

(They tremble in terror as the camera swerves wildly from figure to figure.)

BLASTER: (singing mockingly) Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do?

SCOPESHOT: (shows badge) MirrorVerse Plot Device Enforcement Squad! Are you now or have you ever been in possession of any of the following illegal plot devices... (unfolds a lengthy list) ...A human becomes a Transformer and/or Transformer becomes a human?

RUMBLE: Um, no?

JAZZ: MirrorVerse TFs meet their NormalVerse counterparts and/or vice-versa?

FRENZY: Oh, that's original.

STAR TREK FANS: Hey!!

BLASTER: A laughably super-powered character enters the MirrorVerse from another dimension?

RUMBLE: Hey, you didn't rhyme!

BLASTER: (defensively) Man, if we gotta wait for this author chick to think up rhyming dialogue, we'll be here all slaggin' week!

JAZZ: (continuing from list) A beautiful femmebot reforms an irredeemably evil mech solely through The Power of True Love?

FRENZY: (making a face) Yuck.

BLASTER: Anything involving robotic pregnancy?

RUMBLE: WHAT?

SCOPESHOT: A new species or "third race" of Cybertronians that's supposedly always existed even though no one's ever heard of them before changes the face of the MirrorVerse?

FRENZY: No, no, we don't have any of those! We're just doing a behind-the-scenes special on the MirrorVerse! Can we go now, please?

(Team Omega moves away, gets into a huddle, and confers in low voices. Eventually, the 'Bots stride back to the twins and glare.)

JAZZ: OK, punks. We'll let you off with a warning. THIS time.

SCOPESHOT: But don't let us catch you at it again!

RUMBLE: (outraged) But...!

FRENZY: (very quickly, between clenched teeth). ThankyousircomeonRumblewegottagonow.

(They hurry off. After a moment, Frenzy leans back towards his brother with a worried look.)

FRENZY: Nobody really tries to bring those plots into the MirrorVerse, do they?

RUMBLE: 'Course not. They were just making that up to try and scare us.

FRENZY: (vastly relieved) Oh. Whew.

(The twins wander out of the city, heading down a path that leads through a forested area. As they walk along the path, they pass by Sarah Faireborne and Az, standing beside the road rehearsing.)

SARAH: (reading aloud) Comic book reference! Another comic book reference! Reference to something that took place in the nineties and is therefore canonically impossible!

AZ: (pounding script) No, no, no! It's comic book reference, THEN reference to something that took place in the nineties and is therefore canonically impossible, THEN another comic book reference!

SARAH: (sweetly) Who's the super-powered sociopath, again?

(Pause.)

AZ: The way you've got it is fine.

(Eventually, the twins come to a crossroads, where a signpost points in two directions. Seated before it is a Beast-Machines-looking blue foxbot. He skims through a book entitled One Million Obscure Star Wars Trivia Questions, then contemptuously tosses it over one shoulder.)

BANDIT: You'd think they'd at least try to make it difficult...oh, hello.

FRENZY: Hi! We're doing a...

BANDIT: *sighs* Behind-the-scenes special on the MirrorVerse, I know.

FRENZY: ...um, right. So, would you like to tell our viewers what this is?

BANDIT: This is the Moderator's Crossroads. That way leads to Kevona. (Points to his right, towards a pleasant, sunny path lined with green trees and flowers and chirping birds and stuff.) That way leads to MCat. (Points left, towards a twisted path beneath a dark, stormy sky, lined with dead trees and long iron spikes with skulls on them.)

(The twins pause.)

FRENZY: Let's go see Kevona.

RUMBLE: (quickly) OK!

(The twins traipse off down the path and come across a lovely castle surrounded by a fair green courtyard. A pleasant medieval tune fills the air as the brothers spy a familiar figure.)

SOUNDWAVE: Hello!

FRENZY: Hi, Dad...er, Mr. Soundwave. (affects a professional tone) We're doing a...

SOUNDWAVE: ...Behind-the-scenes special on the MirrorVerse.

FRENZY: Right! So, would you mind objectively answering some questions, um, person I've never met before in my life?

RUMBLE: *sighs*

SOUNDWAVE: (humoring him) I would be honored.

FRENZY: Great! So, uh... (looks around) This is Kev's place, right?

SOUNDWAVE: That's right. Kevona is Keeper of the Timeline, as well as one of the Moderators of the MirrorVerse.

FRENZY: And what does she do as Moderator?

SOUNDWAVE: (proudly) She ensures that everyone maintains a spirit of fun, courtesy, cooperation, fair play, and proper dental hygiene.

FRENZY: Well, that's very interesting, Da-, er, Mr. Soundwave. It's been a pleasure to meet you.

SOUNDWAVE: (amused) The pleasure was all mine.

RUMBLE: *shakes head, causing the camera to wobble*

FRENZY: So! I guess that leaves, er, the other place. Let's go.

(The brothers head back down the path. They pass Bandit still seated at the crossroads, reading One Billion Star Wars Trivia Questions That Are So Mind-Shatteringly Impossible They'd Make George Lucas Weep . He gives a bored sigh and tosses it away.)

(Eventually, the twins spy a ridiculously evil-looking fortress surrounded by jagged mountains. It glows with an unhealthy purple light. Beside the road is a crude stone altar, covered with drippy candles, skulls, reddish stains, etc. Painedforever and SpawnofRazorclaw stand before it. Off to one side is a polar bear, reading a well-worn copy of The Fellowship of the Ring.)

FRENZY: Um, hi, Ms. Bear. (looks around uncertainly) So, uh... (points to figures before the altar) What are those folks doing?

VAL: They need permission from MCat to use one of her characters. But first they have to pay a tribute of a chocolate bar, an item of Metallica merchandise, and the severed head of an illiterate preteen fanficcer who couldn't tell 'your' from 'you're'.

RUMBLE: (incredulous) All that for one character?

VAL: You should see what they have to do for two.

FRENZY: ...Er.

PAINEDFOREVER: (Spreads arms in supplication) O Witch-Queen of Adverbs! O Redundant Goddess of Redundancy! Smite me not in the fullness of thine ego, er, evil, but accept my offering, I entreat thee!

(A tense silence fills the air. Then there's a loud rumbling, and a blast of purple light rips upwards from the fortress, miles into the sky. A hideous, deafening shriek fills the air.)

MCAT: SKKKRREEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

MUSIC: Da-DUM!! Da-DUM!! Da-DUM!!

VAL: (yelling) Well, her singing voice is definitely improving!

(The noise and light die away into silence.)

PAINEDFOREVER: (sotto voce) Er...was that a yes or a no?

SPAWN OF RAZORCLAW: I dunno. Better get another head.

FRENZY: (quickly) ...I think we're about done here, don't you?

RUMBLE: Yeah.

(They rush off.)

VAL: (yawns, returns to reading)

(Eventually, the twins make their way back to the main entrance.)

FRENZY: Well, it looks like we're just about out of time. So remember, have fun, stay safe...

PROWL: Get on with it!

FRENZY: ...eat your vegetables, respect your elders, look both ways before crossing the street...

UNICRON: Get ON with it!!

MOONKNIGHT: How come I didn't get any lines?

OPTIMUS PRIME: How come I didn't get any lines!?!

FRENZY: ...and join us again for more fun and excitement here in: The MirrorVerse! Have a great evening, folks!

(Frenzy smiles fixedly for another moment, then lowers the microphone and looks offscreen)

FRENZY: OK, we can go back and fix all that in the editing room, right? 'Cause I think I flubbed a couple of lines, and some of that camera work was definitely on the amateurish side...HEY!!

(The camera skews wildly, then the picture vanishes in a burst of static as the screen goes black.)

--MCat